Pros and cons of being competitive.
Can we compete or choose not compete aligned with our value system?
Hello Substackers,
When I first picked this topic, for this month, I thought it was pretty straight forward. However, the more I have thought about it the more complicated it has become.
It started off as a bit of rant. Then I went away and thought about it more. I reflected that what I wanted to write about was how competition can become toxic. But then I started to think, competition can be healthy and helpful too. I like to write in a balanced way, based on experience and science.
Then I thought about competition and toxicity more and it is actually very situation specific. And more than that, it is actually very individual specific. Competition at school for example, works really well for some, especially if they are academic and thrive in a school system. However, for others, it is not so helpful and actually hinders their development, self-esteem and their identity well into adulthood due to the rigidity of the system.
For example, I can remember at school, coming last in every school sports day race. I was kind of resigned to it. It was just not my thing. At that time in my life, I had no clue what my thing was, other than I liked Meccano and wanted to be a car mechanic, not done for girl in those days (1970s/early 80s). I was forced into typing lessons instead, more befitting, I was told. Hated that, but it is kind of useful now, the skills of a touch typist! I am a pretty crap touch typist though, I cannot type without making mistakes and having to hit backspace a lot! That was problematic with carbon paper (I suspect many will not know what that is!). I didn’t do too well with that class, but didn’t want to either!
However, being rubbish at sports meant I was always the last to be picked for any team, made fun of and bullied a lot (not just for that). That did nothing for my self-esteem or my sense of identity. So whilst I did not mind, everyone else did, and so it became about others.
Competition is something humans cannot resist. We can trace this back to our early ancestors who were competing for food, the best mate, social status and so on. It is an animal thing. It is not our fault, in effect, it is our genes playing out.
I think I learnt early there were some things I just did not excel at and in fact, really sucked at, and it was ok with me. I don’t think it has effected my motivation and drive to succeed and learn new things, which competition can drive. I can still reach for things (compete) that I am really surprised to achieve at. I can still push myself out of my comfort zone (being on Substack is testament to that, this is well outside my comfort zone!). But what I find over and over again, is others do mind and then that causes me to question myself, evokes self-doubt.
We are all different, of course. Some humans thrive on competition and it helps them do better, thrive, produce high quality work, be more efficient and give them their sense of purpose. Competition seems to galvanise them into action to be the first one past the post or be the best. And there is nothing wrong with that at all. So long as it not doing them any harm.
On the flip side of that, anxiety, perfectionism, low self-esteem and imposter syndrome can be in the driving seat of those individuals to ‘prove’ to themselves and others they are good enough. In highly competitive environments, individuals become scared to share ideas, provide support or work together in case they are criticised, made to look stupid or their ideas are stolen. These fears can originate because we are aware of other individuals who will resort to bullying and manipulative behaviours to further their individual success. This is not healthy teamwork or leadership. I have seen that, over and over again.
I know that I felt this in the corporates that I have worked in, in the past. I tend to be generous with my ideas and knowledge and I can think of lots of times other have stolen those ideas and claimed it was theirs.
I have worked with many very high performing clients, in the corporate world, whose levels of stress around having to try and constantly outperform their ‘competition’ has become overwhelming. The pressure they feel and place on themselves is breath taking. Whilst they are able to project a confident persona, underneath is self-doubt and a very loud self-critic.
I can recognise work environments where a senior leader wants their staff to do things in ways they want. So they reward those that comply and shun those that do not. It feels to me, like being back at school and not part of the popular crowd. I notice this too in the village that I currently live in. If you pander to the village queen then you are part of the clique. If you voice your own opinion and are honest you are not invited to events and so on and people turn their back on you and walk back into their house.
This article has not really turned out in any way that I thought initially. What it has done is brought out what I have always been told is the ‘rebel’ attitude I have. But it is not that at all. When people say that to me, I just think, well you are not interested in my ideas, just in trying to get me to do what you want or for me to be the way you want.
I just refuse to do things that don’t sit well with my values as a person. I won’t compete for things that don’t fit with that. It probably means I will never be promoted, but I don’t care as in the end, I want to work for myself (that is in the works and I already half do) and live my life in a way that I feel is right. I want to and have done all life, help others to do the same. It can be uncomfortable, but ultimately, I know I am being true to myself. I also realise this article is not solely about competition as other things have snuck in, but then life is complicated!
I guess we all have to decide how we compete, what we compete for and the effect of that on those around us.
I think this is going to one of those pieces of writing that constantly get’s redrafted!
Jane
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