Is ignoring online trolls, scammers and the like always the right thing to do?

Hello everyone,

This is one of those posts that is making me feel anxious. I can feel my heart beating a bit faster (which will be worse when I hit the publish button), I feel a bit sick and my chest is tight. But that warning, my body is giving me about threat, is not a reason to not write this. I am not even sure why I feel I am doing something wrong! But I do know that because what I am about to write is in direct opposition to things I have been told to, my ancient genes are saying, hey you will be cast out, don’t do it! But it is something I feel incredibly strongly about.

Why do I feel strongly? I have spent my entire career standing up for those who cannot do it for themselves, be it because they are a minority, have mental health problems, a child who is not being listened to, someone who is too scared and anxious, feel they deserve all the difficult things that happen to them and/or have low self-esteem that prevents them speaking up, amongst others.

It is also fuelled by constantly being told, oh just ignore that, it happens when you are online, don’t respond, amongst other things. But it is not fine to me. How much does this allow internet abusers to continue to abuse? They are safe, in many ways if they have no fear of consequences of being named and called out, things that might deter them. How is that right? As individuals, when we come together, we have great power that can be used to bring about great and good change. But as humans, how do we help each other to do that in a way that becomes the norm, not the exception?

I hope that I am savvy enough to recognise a scam when I see it. But I realise I am not immune to it. We see stories all the time about how people who are quite intelligent and savvy get caught out. We all have vulnerabilities. Scammers and trolls and all those people play on the vulnerabilities that humans experience. And some humans are more vulnerable than others. In my view, it is our role as a human to protect other humans where we can, when it is appropriate. To create safety.

For me, not standing up to a scammer, is not doing that. It is allowing them to move on to someone else they can be successful with. They are nothing more than the playground bully extorting another child for their lunch money. We are told to stand up to bullies at school. This does not stop when we are an adult.

Photo by Bruno Martins on Unsplash

And so I have conducted a little experiment!

I have been experiencing a rising volume of men emailing me saying things like “hello can I be your friend” or “hello gorgeous” and the like. I do ignore them, although I did challenge one, in a moment of annoyance!

But then I had a message from a

Sara Blakely

. This person has no posts she has written, despite what they say in the email chain that is below. Her online times do not match with living in Miami unless she is up all night! Also, the real Sara, is a American businesswoman and philanthropist who invented Spanx and I can’t find that she has any links to cryto-currency. Of course, if the below is the real Sara, then apologies, but the principles still applies to actual spammers!

Here is my little exchange with her:

And I stopped there. To be clear, I played along on purpose, I was interested to see where it went, although it was very predictable for me. But maybe not for some? I have now reported this to Substack as I have reported many others.

I have been told I should turn off direct messaging etc. But why should I have to adapt what feels right to me for people who are nothing more than criminals and bullies? Surely, it is the other way around that I should be free to do what feels right and the criminals are the ones who need to be dealt with so that they do not get in my way? I want to be accessible to talk to if someone genuinely wants to. So I have to compromise for criminals and bullies? Really?

I also have a list of other people who have messaged me that appear to be very good looking men, who have 100s of women only they follow. No posts, restacking notes only with no writing at all. It is an assumption, but I suspect they are here to prey on vulnerable women.

I have named Sara today. Is she a scammer or not? I don’t know for sure. But it is not ok, to me, to send this kind of material to me. Did I lead her on? Yes. I wanted to see where it would go and I am sure her next step would be to tell me where to send money that I would never see again.

Should we be naming these apparent scammers much more to build awareness of those who are here only to cause harm? Or how should we be handling this to help prevent harm? Or do we continue to turn a blind eye and feel we have done something by blocking and reporting and allow these people to continue to prey, with ease, on others? I don’t know the answer to this. There are probably a lot of differing opinions. I would love to hear them!

Wishing you a happy and scam free day!

With all kind wishes

Jane

Accredited Cognitive Psychotherapist

Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT), Compassion Focussed Therapy (CFT), Mindfulness & Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT)

www.janewatkinscbt.co.uk

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