Monday Morning Reset: 5th May 2025
How do you look at your past?
“Scars remind us where we have been, they don’t dictate where we are going” - This is a quote from a TV show, don’t judge me 🤣 It came to me when I was thinking about a good quote for this article.
We all experience thoughts that cause us anxiety, from time to time, it’s part of being human. I think, part of the art of being human, is finding tools to manage the anxiety that these thoughts can produce. We may need different tools at different times. Each Monday, we will be tooling up!
Good morning everyone,
A little late today. I didn’t set up the timer correctly!
One of the common things I come across both personally and with my clients is the way we look back on what our younger self did.
How we reflect can empower or hold us back in the present moment.
For example, I did really badly at school. It wasn’t my fault, I was dyslexic and in that time that word was not one well known. I can remember sitting in the O level (GSCE these days) exam halls and not bothering to open the paper. I dropped out of school after that with only a pass in English as my English teacher had taken a special interest.
Scared of anything academic, following that, believing I was stupid as everyone kept telling me, I went and became a photographer as an apprentice. All practical in those days, no course needed. I then tried a psychology Open University Degree and I really struggled. For me it confirmed the idea I was stupid. But then, I got my courage together and applied to Kings College in London to do a Mental Health Nursing degree. They are the ones, later in my adult life, that identified my dyslexia. I left with a 2:1 and went back later to do my masters. I felt like the biggest imposter ever when I walked through Kings College London University doors as an under-graduate. Determination got me through it.
Being here on Substack and writing, has brought up old fears for me, for sure. It isn’t going to stop me though. I have worked with many writers and artists, over the years, who needlessly have ‘Imposter Syndrome’ because of their past (amongst other things, comparing is another).
We are all a product of our past experiences. For me it is about how can we use our past to help us now? Using, what I call the Life Journal we all have amassed over our lifetime. You can find out more about this idea here:
It is very easy to look back and think, OMG why did I do that. What we are doing in that second is twofold. First, we are beating our younger selves up. Second we are blaming our younger self for not acting differently based on the knowledge we have now, maybe a lot of years on.
For example, if we are now 46 years old. We look back at something our 25 year old self did, maybe something our current 46 self old self thinks is ‘stupid’. What do we do? We use our current knowledge base as a means to punish our 25 year old self for not knowing what we know now. At 25, we could not travel into the future and consult what do with our wiser current self, could we? We are being really unfair to our younger self.
What I am saying in basic terms, is we make the best decision we can, based on the information we have at the time.
So next time you go to beat your younger self up, what could you do instead? Maybe offer some words of understanding? How would that make you current self feel?
If you found this article helpful, please do share it.
With all kind wishes
Jane
Accredited Cognitive Psychotherapist
Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT), Compassion Focussed Therapy (CFT), Mindfulness & Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT)
➡️If you would like to work with me on a 1:1 basis you can contact me at: mail@janewatkinscbt.co.uk
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Very insightful! I have often thought of the things I have done in the past as foolish and stupid but basing that on what I know now. This leads to what if conversations with myself which after reading your article, I can see is pointless. I will endeavour to be kinder to my younger self and take the actions I made at the time lessons and not something to blame and berate myself for!