“Rule of art: can’t kills creativity!” - Camille Paglia
The self-esteem hub looks at how our tricky brains effect our perception of ourselves, our sense of self-worth, our evaluation of our abilities, how we fit into the world and how we think others see us. We can experience this as a rollercoaster, functioning really well at times and then plagued with self-doubt and anxiety the next moment. Managing our tricky minds is the art and science of being human. I look forward to taking this journey with you.
Hello everyone,
I am not sure if this is just become a thing recently or whether I have just noticed it.
I have worked in my current Corporate company for about 4 years. Each year I have to sign a document about conflict of interest, which is fine, I have no issue with that. I have a private practice alongside this job. Every year I have just signed it off and that was it. This year, I signed it and then got an email ‘reminding’ me that I can’t see the corporate clients in my own practice. I was like, no shit eh? Isn’t that what the form is for, I do know this, I agree with it, I know it’s a thing, why do I need to be told this like I am a child who cannot work that out?
I think this has rankled with me as I have had a long succession of being told what I can’t do from various sources of late.
It seems to be the automatic thing now. ‘Oh no, you can’t do that’.
It is becoming rare for someone to say, hmmm, yes this is a problem what can we do about it? It is just, f*** off, no. End of.
Our dishwasher has broken. Apparently it can only be fixed on a Monday. No other option, tough. I can’t do a Monday, its a corporate day where every second of the day is accounted for and micro-managed. No way I can do a Monday. My other half has spent half of today calling around to find someone who is not horrified we cannot say yes to this unreasonable demand. I am not risking a day’s leave on this, and why should I have to? for them to probably not turn up.
In fact, when you ask for a workaround to anything, people now look at you with total disgust for daring to suggest it. As if there is something wrong with you for trying to find a way to problem solve, to find an alternative, to be less rigid, to be able to live our own lives around others. It is their way, or no way, more and more.
Has anyone else noticed this trend?
I realise this is a bit of a rant, based in personal frustration, but what does it say on a wider scale?
Is the basis of it, being ‘risk’ averse? So let me just clarify what I mean by risk. I don’t mean walking in front of a train. We take a risk when we get out of bed in the morning. We could slip and fall over and break our leg, right? We don’t because we risk assess how to do this safely. Having said that, I did break my foot and ankle in three places dancing a few years ago! A common injury when we stamp our feet, but I digress. We risk assess, absolutely everything we do. Be it conscious or not.
What else could this automatic can’t thing be based on? Fear of thinking for ourselves? Being brain washed that there is a rule book that must be stuck to at all costs? Are we threatened so much by the rule makers about what consequences will be heaped on us if we don’t make everyone comply? Does it make us feel safer to tell everyone there is only one way, we have been told about, to do things? Do we then feel absolved of all personal responsibility. We we ever consider the consequences of the other party anymore?
In turn, does it mean our world is becoming far more rigid and what are the implications of that? Is it a fear around creating choices for others and the responsibility of that? Is it a fear of using common sense (something that appears to be getting less common). Are we being taught not to use our imagination anymore? OMG how sad and unsatisfying that would be. It takes imagination to problem solve. Are we all just becoming so scared of life we cling to rules even if we know they make no sense?
I increasingly find rule books being cited to me automatically without any thought or creativity. At work when I was presented with my diary (that I have zero say in even though I have to do it) and I said, hang on, there is no freedom or room to breathe, I was just told yes, that is how it is.
Is it just my generation? I have just started watching ‘Clarkson’s farm"'. I was never his fan but I have to say I am really enjoying watching him navigate the “can’t” systems around him. It is great to see someone else question things, and find ways around them. My view is, how do we grow if we don’t try things out? It is not going to lead to failure, it is going to lead to growth and learning.
Is this ‘can’t business’ the world of the future? Scary! What do you think? Have you noticed this and how do you manage it as the creative human being you are? Because we all have this ability to be creative, whatever that creativity looks like.
As an ending note today, when I do find those creative people who help, go the extra mile, sort things out, I so value them, they make my heart smile and I feel good to be human. I have to give a shout out to our estate agent, who currently is going the extra mile, even though she will probably never read this! But I have told her!
I do wish you all a great week.
With all kind wishes,
Jane
Accredited Cognitive Psychotherapist
Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT), Compassion Focussed Therapy (CFT), Mindfulness & Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT)
➡️If you would like to work with me on a 1:1 basis you can contact me at: mail@janewatkinscbt.co.uk
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