Why "2 Minute Life Hacks" don't really work.
And can make you feel worse !
"We are made wise not by the recollection of our past, but by the responsibility of our future." —George Bernard Shaw
The self-esteem hub looks at how our tricky brains effect our perception of ourselves, our sense of self-worth, our evaluation of our abilities, how we fit into the world and how we think others see us. We can experience this as a rollercoaster, functioning really well at times and then plagued with self-doubt and anxiety the next moment. Managing our tricky minds is the art and science of being human. I look forward to taking this journey with you.
Hello Everyone!
Do you ever wake up and think, OMG I feel like shit. Let me google how to feel better? Then you try the ‘life hack’ and it doesn’t really land but you keep trying and persisting with it. Maybe for 5 minutes or 5 days! But you don’t feel better and then add to it by feeling a failure?
This is sooooo common. Maybe that at least makes you feel better. So many of my clients have read a dozen self-help book for little gain or the gain does not last.
It is a bit like therapy manuals written for therapists about how to do therapy with their clients. Unfortunately, the client has not read the manual!
And that is totally fine, because manuals are guides. They are there to give therapists things to think about not apply verbatim. Every single person is different. We are different in our experiences, how we interpret our experiences and how we try to keep ourselves safe in the world. I am talking about emotional safety. Sometimes these safety behaviours are healthy and helpful and at other times they are less so.
Have you ever tried to get someone to guess what you want by acting in a certain way? How often does the other person get it? When they don’t get it, how does that make you feel? It does not usually end well.
So many of my clients come to me with this as one of their difficulties. That is, not being able to get their needs met in a helpful way.
The life hack might be - “be more assertive, say what you want”. How does that help someone scared of rejection, anger or starting an argument? That fear is coming from somewhere. That context is what is causing the issue. The life hack is so general it cannot help the person as it cannot help them solve the fear that is blocking them from asserting themselves in the first place. Instead, the life hack, which the person usually knows anyway, makes them feel worse as they already know they need to be more assertive, in this example. Being more assertive would enable you to say no, not be so overwhelmed, feel heard, feel more confident amongst others.
How might you deal with the next life hack you read?
Maybe:
Does this tip understood my lived experience that has created fear or emotional and is adjusted for me?
Do I feel emotionally safe enough to try this, or am I feeling pressure to be someone I’m not or be a way that is not me?
Would it be more helpful to get support in understanding what’s really going on beneath the surface?
➡️If you would like to work with me on a 1:1 basis you can contact me at: mail@janewatkinscbt.co.uk
I do wish you all a great week.
With all kind wishes,
Jane
Accredited Cognitive Psychotherapist
Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT), Compassion Focussed Therapy (CFT), Mindfulness & Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT)
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