Why is self-esteem important?

One of the most common questions I am asked by my clients

Photo by dominik hofbauer on Unsplash

Hello Everyone.

I thought I would write today about probably the most commonly asked question I receive from prospective clients.

I could write a lot about this, but I am (attempting!)to write concisely and talking about one element of self-esteem! I have chosen to write this as an information article. I will write again about how I experience my self-esteem separately.

As humans we have a view of ourselves, what we think we are good at, what we struggle with, what we are afraid of, how we think other people see us and how we feel we fit into the world. At the heart of that are our ‘core beliefs’. Core beliefs are the topic of this article.

So what is a core belief? I think it easier to give you examples of them : I am good enough, I am likeable, I am clever, I am good person and I deserve love. These are just a few, we have many. I call these helpful core beliefs. Will come back to this in a moment.

We have a kind of Ying and Yang of core beliefs. Alongside helpful ones, we also have the less helpful ones. For example: I am useless, there is something wrong with me, I am not good enough, I am failure and everything is my fault. Again, this is just a small selection.

You may be thinking, well so what. Well it really matters.

Have you noticed that you may feel great, on top of the world, that things are going well, you are seeing yourself as a good person and proud of things (helpful core beliefs are online) and then suddenly you feel like you crash and burn and feel a failure, that nothing goes well, feel anxious, on edge (unhelpful core beliefs are now online)?

I call that the rollercoaster of self-esteem.

Core beliefs are the lens through which we interpret what we are about and the world around us. As I often say, our foundation blocks of being human.

So lets go back to examples to see how this works in reality:

Things are going well: You have just completed a great project at work and everyone is so excited about it and telling you what a great contribution you made to it. You feel that lovely warm feeling of yes, look at my skills, look what I have achieved, everyone can see how good I am my job, I am liked and respected by my team………. hopefully you can bring your own example to mind?

Things are not going so well: You have just broken up with your girl/boyfriend. They have been really mean to you about it, been a lot of arguments with name calling etc. At work the team you have been in has been dissolved as funding has been pulled and you have been moved to a team that you know is not very well run. Memories of past rejection, abandonment (just as examples) are either conscious in your mind or unconsciously eating away at you, closer to the surface than in the above example. Now the unhelpful core beliefs are online and you are looking through their lens at the world and at yourself. You feel like nothing good happens to you, everything bad that happens is your fault, that you are not good enough and don’t deserve good things. You can probably bring this experience to mind? The dull pain that goes with those feelings and emotions along with the anxiety that pervades your waking moments and may keep you tossing and turning at night. It is a horrible and lonely place to be.

I can certainly bring both these kinds of experiences to mind.

This is how core beliefs get activated, how they effect us and why we experience this rollercoaster of self-esteem. Self-esteem being the collection of core beliefs and much more we all have as humans.

This is just a very small introduction to the idea of core beliefs and how the situations we find ourselves in activate either the helpful or unhelpful core beliefs we have. I have just briefly touched on how the influences of our past experiences have in this.

We can’t remove unhelpful core beliefs, but we can turn down the volume on them. I have helped so many people turn the volume down on the unhelpful ones. Don’t hesitate to get in touch with me, if you want to turn the volume down on yours and smooth out the roller-coaster experience.

With all kind wishes

Jane

Accredited Cognitive Psychotherapist

Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT), Compassion Focussed Therapy (CFT), Mindfulness & Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT)

If you would like to work on your self-esteem you can e-mail me at: mail@janewatkinscbt.co.uk or via my website at www.janewatkinscbt.co.uk

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Floreo (Latin for flourish) Self-esteem is not just about confidence, it is the foundation of your human experience. It is your right to feel comfortable with yourself and flourish.

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